“I can do it on my own”

Hello, dear reader.

Please excuse the new infrequency of my writing. Exciting and time-consuming changes abound, but I haven’t forgotten you, and I hope to get back to my weekly musings soon.

There is a common refrain I hear from people who are questioning their relationship to substances:

“I want to do this on my own.”

…or something to that effect. Would you mind, dear reader, if we picked this apart a little bit together?

Humans are, without a doubt, a social species. Our strength in numbers is the only thing that allows us to survive, dating back to time immemorial. For millennia, we lived in bands of families, friends, and community members. We supported each other in food procurement, child rearing, defense against predators, and creation of shelters. It is impossible for one person, on their own, to provide all of their own needs.

Enter in: big, shiny, destructive… capitalism. Industrialization pigeon-holed us into the formation of the “nuclear family” — a way of organizing society into smaller, easier to control units. One parent went to work, and the other stayed home to raise the next generation of workers. Families in solitary homes each have to buy appliances and other items for personal use instead of sharing goods that many people could benefit from. Further, the movement towards the nuclear family creates an accumulation of wealth to be passed on via inheritance to a small number of descendants. We lost touch with each other, with community, and with knowledge-sharing and support.

The purported value of “independence” increased to be of the utmost importance. What previously would have resulted in certain death was now seen as esteemed. In ancient times, if a person were cast out of the group on their own, they would have died without the support of others.

Capitalist conditioning has got us fooled to think that doing something on our own is somehow more valuable than doing things in community with other people.

Let’s rewind it back to our friends who insist that they want to confront their addictions on their own. Might it be more skillful to elicit help in this endeavor? Wouldn’t the wisdom of someone who has already traversed the path we are embarking upon be of some gosh darn value??

I suppose, dear reader, a person can choose the hard way if that’s what they would like to do. The invitation here is to interrogate the mythical value of independence, and then ask ourselves if it would be OK to ask for help.

Are we cheating ourselves when we choose to “do it on our own?” I’m curious to hear what you think.

May you be happy and free, dear reader.

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This week on the podcast, we talk about that dreaded feeling… anxiety. We talk about why you have it and the unexpected and effective way to get rid of it. Click here to listen!

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