On the podcast this week Early speaks with Amber Hollingsworth of popular YouTube channel Put the Shovel Down. Amber has been a Master Addiction Counselor and LPC for over 20 years.
To listen to this episode click here.
Amber describes family members who are “just trying to help” as often accidentally putting themselves in the “bad guy role.” How can trying to help make you a bad guy? She uses the imagery of seeing your loved one standing on train tracks with a train barreling towards them. What would you do? Naturally, you would jump and scream and wave your arms and say, “Hey! look out! A train is coming!” However, if your loved one hasn’t noticed the train, and all they see is you jumping and yelling and making a fuss — they are going to think you are a nuisance. In trying to protect them from the danger of the train, you make yourself the problem, and distract them from the natural consequences of their addiction.
What does she suggest to do instead based on decades of experience working with addicted people and their families? She suggests that you get out of the “bad guy role” by stepping back and allowing the universe to impose the consequences instead of you. At the same time, get to know the addicted person by asking compassionate questions, and offering love and empathy. Protect your own peace by creating boundaries for yourself, and focusing on your own self-care.
This method allows the addiction to become the “bad guy” and you to become the person they turn to when they are ready to seek help and make a change. If you truly want to be of help to someone with an addiction, be prepared for the moment they reach out! Since you’ve been getting to know them through genuine, compassionate inquiry, you should have a pretty good idea about what makes them tick. Have recovery resources ready for when they are in a moment of clarity. Strike while the iron is hot!
May you be happy and free, dear reader.
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