Last week at our support group we discussed how taking care of our relationships is like watering our garden. Instead of viewing people as worthy or unworthy of blame, what would happen if we released this concept altogether?
We have a limited amount of energy. That’s a fact. I invite people in recovery or who are sober curious to begin to understand where we are focusing our energy and how we can focus more of it on ourselves and our own healing. “Where attention goes, energy flows” … as they say.
For a long time I blamed my addiction on other people or circumstances in my life. “I drink because of this thing that happened to me when I was a kid.” I also firmly hold the belief that I will not forgive someone who doesn’t apologize. This left me in a state of festering and blaming my mood and addiction on the past and present actions of others.
While the harm is very real, and so is the ongoing trauma that lives in my body, I do still have a choice about how I want to engage with my thoughts.
If I choose to keep using substances based on the fuel that my trauma made me this way, I choose to give away my power to the people that hurt me. I am actively deciding that they still have power over me, even though the traumatic situation is over. If I instead decide that I will release the active engagement with blame, then I can free up that festering energy and use it as fuel to heal myself.
Releasing blame does not let the person off the hook. It is not the same as forgiveness. However, when we decide that the ongoing effects of our trauma are no longer a reason to use substances, we take our power back and begin to free ourselves. The person who harmed us no longer has control over us, and is no longer creating ongoing suffering in our lives. We are now in charge.
May you be happy and free, dear reader.
Announcements and such:
This week on the podcast we hear Danny’s story of overcoming his meth/heroin/fentanyl addiction of over a decade with use of plant medicine ibogaine. To listen click here.
Support groups are still every Monday at 6pm at The Library Vintage in Fayetteville.
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Check out this month’s events in the attached flyers!
