Hello, dear friends. I recently heard someone say that curiosity and judgement cannot coexist, and my jaw dropped. Since then, I’ve been bringing this phrase to mind each time I find myself in a space of judgement.
We are culturally conditioned to compete with each other by capitalism, white supremacy, ableism, fat-phobia, individualism, and the myth of scarcity. We go through life constantly subconsciously judging ourselves and others. If we don’t have enough details, our mind creates a story to explain the gaps to us — often adding in judgement-laden statements about why people do the things they do.
For many people, we judge others for having substance use problems that are worse than us, or for behaving in ways that cause harm. This is a sneaky tactic of the Addicted Voice in our minds whose only goal is to get us to keep using the thing we are addicted to. Someone else got a DUI? Well, at least I haven’t done that — maybe I don’t have a problem. A friend got in a physical altercation with their lover? Well, at least I don’t hurt my loved ones like that. I can continue to drink/use, because others do things that are bad that I haven’t done.
Sound familiar?
What if we used these moments of comparison to step back and practice curiosity instead of judgement? What if we used them as opportunistic scientific data gathering about ourselves?
Instead of jumping to judgement and comparison, the invitation here is to be curious. Ask questions. First — we acknowledge that we are judging. Next, we release our attachment to the judgement process (while also remembering not to judge ourselves for judging!) Then, we can get to the heart of the matter. What is going on for these people that I can’t see? What details and stories am I using to fill in the gaps? What else might be true? How does the process of judgement affect my view of myself? What is the result of holding my current beliefs?
We all cause harm. We all experience thoughts of judgement. The Addicted Voice loves this line of thinking, because it’s an easy place to justify thoughts of using. What might change if we practiced curiosity instead?
May you be happy and free, dear reader.
Announcements and such:
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This week on the podcast we have Chris Conde. He talks about how living as authentically queer saved him from his addiction. Click here to listen!
Support groups are still every Monday at 6pm at The Library Vintage in Fayetteville, AR.
