Hello, dear friends. At our support group last week we discussed socializing while sober. Let me just say, this ain’t the first time that this has come up, and it makes sense because so many of us mask our social discomfort with substances.
Societal norms are often shaped by capitalist advertising. They work because they tell you that you’re not good enough, and The Product will make you good enough. They tell us that we have to be surrounded by loads of people, at big social events, and hopefully in a place where we can buy/use lots of their products. If we feel awkward, or anxious, or just find the atmosphere to be insufficient in some way — we are taught not to listen to ourselves, but instead to mask our feelings and make them go away.
We are taught not to listen to ourselves, but instead to mask our feelings and make them go away.
In recovery, there are no shortage of opportunities to confront the things that we have been using substances to hide behind. This is where the invitation to view yourself as a scientist and a test subject comes in. Each and every time we enter the world of other people, it is an experiment. Without the blur of alcohol, or weed, or whatever, we can feel the signals our body is giving us about our approval or disapproval with our circumstances.
This information is invaluable as we aim to create a life we no longer need to escape from. You don’t have to be at the function because everyone else is at the function. Now that you can feel your own discontent, you can choose to remove yourself from unfulfilling situations. Conversely, when you are participating in a social interaction that makes you feel calm, nourished, and held… there’s data there too. And hey, ya know, sometimes it’s a bit of both. This is all data about your own personal needs, and it is recovery gold.
Your feelings and sensations are your body’s messages about your needs. What a gift to get a chance to listen to them. What a gift to be able to choose to engage with other people based on your own authenticity.
May you be happy and free, dear reader.
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This week on the podcast, I talk about how to stop fighting with yourself, and how to train your brain to stop cravings. Click here to listen!
This week, I also do a guest spot on my buddy’s podcast, Back on the Grind. I talk a bit about my own life as a traveling punk and migrant farm worker, along with methods for understanding and healing trauma. Click here to listen!
Support groups are still every Monday at 6pm at The Library Vintage in Fayetteville, AR.
